Heart Felt Desire

I read an article and listened to a recording from Brian Johnson (www.philosophernotes.com) about a book by Brent Kessel called “Its not about the money.” (First, great idea, Brian!) The ideas made such sense to me. He makes a clear difference between heart felt desires, and desires of the wanting mind. Heartfelt desires are those desires which are worth a life time of effort to bring to fruition. I view heart felt desires as a bringing forth into the world of my deepest desires and these are the keys to happiness. The process of taking action towards realizing these desires is itself meaningful and are born from fullness. Desires of the wanting mind are born of lack, and come from the illusion that something is needed for happiness. For example, when I have more money, or a better relationship, or a nicer house, I will be happy. The wanting mind is always looking outwards to have, to possess, to own, to control. The heart felt mind is seeking express what you most deeply are. A third point that I found very useful was that the unconscious runs the show, and no matter how motivated or driven or focused we are, if we do not see how the unconscious plays itself out in our lives, then not much will change.

I have had to learn these lessons the hard way. In some ways I am successful. For the last 7 years I have committed to transformation, meditation, ILP, psychological work and health with the single minded goal to realize Spirit as my deepest core and what that means. Even when I have fallen back, after a day or two I have returned to practice and kept on going. I pushed and I hungered and I pursued the goal of Spirit. Something deeply motivated me to keep going, and after some long and dark nights, a rebirth has occurred, and the fruits of the Spirit are increasingly with me. I have a sense of fullness, of being, of wellness, of clarity, of ease and most beautifully, a deepening peace. Acts of grace have supported my path and love and care is emerging. A heartfelt desire for the expression of love is growing, and that love wishes to create goodness, truth and beauty. It’s a love that wishes to embrace and inspire. It’s a love that wishes to create and enrich others. It’s a love about others, about connection and about freedom from suffering. I feel successful for having reached a goal of inner transformation, and that goal is becoming a stepping stone for the next heart-felt goal.

On the other hand, about 2 ½ years ago, my wanting mind kicked in. I took my savings and tried to start a little business teaching transformation and personal growth. I wanted to make money, have a nice house, have my dream wife, etc etc. I was not yet transformed in my inner world, although I was long down the path. I thought that my happiness and security lay in achieving results in the world, and I was still far from established in my inner sense of being. I thought that if I helped people, then I could get what I wanted. My motivation was fundamentally self serving. It was about getting what would make me happy. It was about Bruce, and I pretended it was about other people.

I stepped out of my safety zones and took a risk. Out of safety, my deepest unconscious fears of scarcity and lack and low-self esteem actualized and my worst fears came true. I lost my savings and went back to work. I was left vulnerable and powerless and that’s when Spirit supported me through acts of Grace when I needed it. The blessing in failure is that many of my deep unconscious beliefs were bought into awareness. My attachment to worldly security was painful made clear. My self-centeredness was put on center stage. I could see the pain in holding on, and a deep letting go occurred. What was not real began to get stripped away from me and I started to find increasing freedom in moment-by-moment letting go.

So, what’s the point of this blog? The point is to learn to recognize and trust the heart felt desire. Heart felt desire is patient, yet intense. It keeps you going. It creates a direction of goodness. You gotto learn to trust that and follow that. The wanting mind is impatient and impulsive. It demands gratification. It’s never satisfied. It’s selfish. If you follow the wanting mind, you will not be satisfied and you have a higher chance of failure. And the unconscious? Well, that’s easy, actually. All you have to do is look at the results in your life. The world you have created is a reflection of your deepest values. What does that say about you? What do your relationships say about you? Are they open and abundant or controlling and security driven? Your money? Does it flow or is it a dry stream? Your body and your health? Simply be honest and look without turning away. That’s a good place to start.