Summer night

I felt more together again today. Clear goal setting and action taking is emerging again. The last kundalini wave was rough, almost too much too handle. I am trying to figure out what happened last week. Two dreams form an important piece of the puzzle.

1. My mother is trying to climb a large mountain, after a long period of preperation.  She comes to a steep part, which cannot be overcome. The attempt at the ascent has to be abandoned.

2. The ship has sailed to the antartic, after a difficult voyage through many icebergs. The ship could have taken an easier route, but didnt. In the antarctic, my mother is part of an expedition to climb a very dangerous, difficult and isolated mountain. The climb is successful, and mother makes it to the top.

 The dreams for me indicate an ascent of the feminine energy to be merged with spirit. On teh weekend, I was totally wasted. I had no willpower, and I litterally wanted to get fucked, or wasted. I felt totally passive, and I wanted something to dominate me, to overpower me, to consume me. I ended up getting drunk, and sleeping too much. I found this interesting, as my masculine qualities of intention, focus, and penetrating action had dissapeared from my personality, and instead I felt identified with the extreme feminine energy, which was desiring to be consumed and ravished. My masculine side has been getting stronger and stronger again the last few days, and today I started to feel capable of directed action once again. I am still a little unclear what happened, except that there was something to do with the femiinine energy emerging into my consciousness, and I had to identify with that for a while; I had to be that. My lesson from this is not to resist when certain aspects of being require their identification. I am not sure how the integration of this energy will play itself out. Its just that now, I have a much deeper understanding of the feminine desire to be filled and consumed with something.

I wonder if transformational development requires the embodiment of the feminine at critical transition phases, The masculine drive is needed to push towards higher and higher possibilities. However, the moment of passage, from the old level to the next level, requires that the masculine surrenders to something greater, something beyond himself, so that he may be filled with the higher and the greater and the more powerful. There was a strong theme of surrender in that weekend, and I wrote the poem, Surrender, about  that. This surrender and submission to something greater seems to be similiar to the energy which a woman embodies when consciously surrendering to a man greater strength in a sexual act.