Truth and Untruth

I stayed at a new friend’s apartment last night. I invited her to come and sleep next to me in the spare room, and after a short while, she came to my room and joined me. It was lovely to have her next to me, especially on such a cold night. We spoke last night about truth and untruth. It’s been a theme this weekend arising in the field. I have had long conversations with different women about truth and untruth. The first lady used to date a good friend of mine, and her awaking path started when she was told she was loved, but not needed. The truth hurt her, yet it drove her to understand the difference between love and need, and she is now on a path of committed growth. The second friend spoke a lot about friends who had relationships where they were too afraid to speak their truth to their partner, and they end up living an unhealthy lie. My friend last night is having an affair with a married man, and I found out about it. I have feelings for my friend, and so I first felt a heavy and painful feeling in my heart and a sinking feeling in my stomach. I sat with the feeling, letting it be okay to feel that, and knowing that the awareness which holds the feeling is much greater than the feeling itself. After a little while of unconditional self acceptance (a little while being about 15 minutes, during which time I felt like leaving and never coming back), I felt okay and started to talk to my friend. We had a beautiful conversation, which was open and honest. I value unconditional honesty with another as being more important than my little self-centered feelings. If two people get real and really seek to understand what motivates them to be in a situation, then it’s a place of goodness and truth. My current expression of love involves creating friendships and relationships of unconditional acceptance of what is arising, asking if this is the highest truth and then looking to align future behavior with higher values.

While I spoke to my friend last night, I did Tonglen (or compassionate exchange on myself). I breathed in and felt any unpleasant feeling I may have had. I imagined myself breathing in all the feelings for people in the world who may be feeling disappointed or have painful hearts. I breathed out loving kindness and compassion towards myself and towards the world. Fairly quickly, I felt full, complete, and not lacking anything. My power is in Spirit, in my awareness, in Big Mind and Big Heart. I know what it means to be full. It became clear again last night that as long as I am too identified with my feelings of deficiency, and identified with moving away from pain towards pleasure, then it is difficult to be deeply honest with someone, because of the fear of hurting them or hurting myself. As long as I think I need the world, or conditions, or someone or something to make me feel okay, then I get locked into independence. My empowerment happens, moment by moment, when I remember Who I Am and find my power and freedom in that remembrance, and I then use my pain to connect to others motivated by love.

I am increasingly convinced that true honesty and authentic love is only possible if I am grounded in being, grounded in the emptiness of Spirit. Only then can I relate without fear to the fullness of the other, whatever that expression is, or to the fullness of myself, whatever my expression is.


Happy New Year :)