Giant Apes

December 8. I am in a nature park. I see four dead babies, which are half human half ape. One of the zoo keepers had sex with a female ape, or one of the male apes had sex with a female keeper. Either way, the mother did not want the babies.

Wayne (my manager) is watching me teach. He has a heavy cold and his judgement is confused. He criticizes me during the lesson. I respond and let him know that he doesn't know what he is talking about. Actually, I am not too familiar with the material I am teaching, but the student doesn't notice.

Wall Street is downsizing and will lose 70 jobs in the country. However, the jobs at our center are safe for now.

Some people are testing formula one cars. They overshoot the track on a sharp bend and cant stop, and then overshoot the safety area and go down a steep side track. It happens to a few of the cars.

I see a high powered F1 car in the shopping center. I know its not mine, but I take it for a ride, and then return it. The owner is angry with me.

I am at a type of zoo. There are some giant apes inside; a 5 m tall chimpanzee man who is very friendly. I have to pass through the inner animal area to get to where I want to go.  I usually distract the animals attention, and then run back, get a key from the receptionist, go in a side door (the animal is still distracted from earlier), and then I can safely go through. I had no problem with the giant chimp-man; he was friendly and I could walk past him. He has a briefcase and is civilized.  There is a giant orange hairy female orangatang with huge breasts. I am worried she will rape me or hurt me. I distract her, run back for the key, but fumble, and I know the ape is going to get me.

I meet Claire and Andy. They do a type of wresting based on Pilates. I wrestle Claire and then Andy. I beat Andy  twice; even though he has a lot of experience, and me very little, I beat him. Maybe we will wrestle again later. I watch him fight some others and he is extremely good. There is a big dinner, and Troy and Claire and Andy and others are there. I am left with the washing up, and I go and ask everyone to help  

Two common themes. The birth of something new, from an alien form or some primal energy.

Competition. I have competitive dreams every night...it's been Scott, Andy, rugby teams, football teams, racing, game playing....

I am trying to figure out the competition dreams. Somewhere in my brain there is a script playing out that competition, and winning, is the key to success, happiness, fulfillment, and so on. Spiritually I think I am committed to co-operative achievement and action, yet my dream states are clearly not reflecting that. An unconscious egoic fixation to competition is emerging. The fact that the dream theme has repeated itself 5 or 6 times the last 10 days is especially  significant. I am clearly not getting something here...I sat in a restuarant tonight, contemplating this and reading Eckart Tolle "A new earth" I quote....

"Unlike  egoic wanting, which creates opposition in direct proportion to the intensity of it's wanting, enthusiasm never does" (Tolle talks about enthusiasm as being a mixture of 'joy derived from being or Presence' + willingness towards achieving a life-supporting goal).
That sentance about egoic wanting kicked in. The question is...'how do I prevent the ego from hijacking any sense of realization I may have had?' is this another egoically driven question? if I want to be something, then i am automatically in conflict with that which is opposite to what I want....

My only answer at this stage is to bring awareness to the situation. I am aware of how I create competition through wanting. I am aware of how I dont want to hijack myself (a performative contradiction here...). That which sees  the game is free of it....